before that, i wanna say thanks to all my friends who replied to my message in Facebook. i really do appreciate it. since everyone knows bout my situation, all of them said its a good thing that right now i'm at home and it's good thing i spend my time with them.
but is it really that great?
honestly, i don't feel comfortable at home. it feels so weird. i feel like me being at home its like a burden to my parents. at least i know one person who thinks that (no, im not gonna tell you guys but if you know,good for you), and i'm sure that person thinks i'm just a no-good-of-a-daughter.
and to make matter worst, i'm just not happy at all right now. yes, i laughed and smiled but inside me, i honestly feels nothing. i can't just be depressed and cried all the time right. i don't want my mom to see me like that.i'm sure she would say i'm just a cry baby. yes, she will say that. did you know what the first thing she said to me when i told her that i broke up with my ex? she said, "baguslah jaja break dengan dia!" (translation: good, that you broke up with him!) yes, there was no sympathies for me at all. and yes, that is one of the reasons i don't feel comfortable at home. anyways, i just don't feel good at all right now. all i want is to be surrounded by my friends especially SRAIZE and just have fun with them. when i was with them last week, i had so much fun, i didn't even think bout my break up and 2nd break up. ok, that's a lie, i did think about it and cried and mopped but i didn't think bout it too much coz my friends were there and they really helped me a lot and still do right now even though they live kinda very far from me.
i just wish i'm in an island where i just can relax and walk along the beach everyday, watch the sunset and do lots of activities to take my mind of things. yea, maybe i can do that when i'm 40. single and alone. i hate being alone. i hate it. i hate it.
i hate myself right now. no, correction. i always hated myself. i really really do.
GET OVER IT! ITS PATHETIC!
ReplyDeletelol. hey, it's my own blog, so i think i can pretty much say anything i want isn't it? besides, i think this is a good way to express myself. if you don't like it, you don't have to read it you know. but thanx for commenting. i appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous binti/ bin what? Biar lah jaja, aku suka baca blog ko... sape tak suka tu, bole blahhhhhh....
ReplyDeletetake it easy, dear.
ReplyDeletei know it's hell living at home with a scrutinizing mom at this junction in ur life.
but brave it.
ur self worth isn't determined by rulers and boxes that everyone else measure against.
chin up =)
no, i don't thnk u've always hated urself.
in fact u've always tried to stand despite feeling down.
that means u love urself enuf to fight the depression.
one day, dear... u will see the fruits of ur labour.
those forced smiles were an ibadat, i think.
charity for ur self.
it will be paid in folds!!
have faith, ye?
here's a song for ya, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vu3OFo8aDg