recently i've been talking to a friend of mine about my break up thingy. i've known him for quite a while but we rarely keep in touch with each other.knowing him, he is one of the intelligent people i've ever known and has always been honest with me. and i know if i talked to him it helps me to finds out what is the problem and try to find out which is important and setting my priorities straight. i have faith in him so much because he always thinks outside of the box and always tackle the issue in a different angle.
to be honest, to be talking with him about it is a great relief. not saying talking to my friends didn't help at all. my friends have always and will always be my source of comfort. but the problem is i know i want to move forward but i don't know how to. i don't know which directions, what is my priorities and so much more. not to mention i have so many questions to ask and i know to get them is only from a guy point of view who is also not siding anyone, and that is also one of the reasons i turn to him for some advices.
i have to admit, his words were harsh and cruel and vicious and some of them made my heart bleed. but it's all the truth and nothing but the truth. after talking to him for a couple of days, slowly my heart feels a little bit lighter, i can picture myself in another man's arm again (which i have no idea who, i'm hoping Prince Harry), my head is a little bit clearer and i can think rationally for once and most importantly, i know what my priorities are now.
but after talking with him and listening to his reasons and advices, even though i am feeling much better now, less pain and suffering, but now there is so much anger in me now. because now i know why all this happen to me and i finally understand it, i finally grasp it. and i feel like this whole thing is so unfair to me because i didn't even give a chance to choose. there was no discussions, no vote or no nothing about it at all and it is bloody unfair. i am so angry right now that i feel like i want to shout at that certain someone and give him a piece of my mind. and i know it's not gonna be enough. i feel like i wanna regularly (like my friend put it, not constantly, personally i don't see the difference) yell at him and tell him all my angers towards him.
but when i think about it, its not fair. like my friend said, "it was his decision and it was his choice. then, i should respect his decision and let it go." well, its much easier than done. but he's right. it was his decision and it was his choice. and it is not in my place to judge his decision. for him maybe it's the right thing to do at that time. and it's the only way for him to handle the situation. even though in my heart i think, i mean i know, it's the most stupidest and silliest decision he has ever made, but i can't change his mind, no, it's more like i won't change his mind. i should respect his decision and wish him the best and we both move on with our lives separately.
i know from time to time, that feeling, of anger will come but i think that is something only time will heal. just like my heart ( i know it's so cliche, just bear with me). but my friend offer me a suggestion though, he said buy potatoes. he said, if you're angry and feel like you want to hurt someone, print the mini pictures and stick it on the potatoes. then, you can throw them, eat them, flush them, carve them up, play golf with them and etc.i find it very funny so i might do it in the future.
or i can just keep on stabbing my old teddy bears. bwahahahaha........ <----- serial killer laugh (do serial killer laughs?)
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