a friend of mine called me up and asked me if i wanna spend the night with her and her partner in her new apartment house. i said maybe because i can't bear the thought of leaving my other half alone or away from him for a long time. but after talking about it with my other half, and he said go out and have fun, i told her yes.
oh boy, it was definitely a big mistake. wait, don't get me wrong. i did have a great time with them for 2 days. we played cards until 3/4 in the morning, they taught me to play the game, we went out for dinner, they cracked me up so bad, and so much more. they treated me very nicely and graciously. both of them are really lovely people and i have to tell you, you won't get bored when you hang around them at all. so i did have a great time with them.
it's just..... since that they both are partners so, i saw them doing a lot of what couples do. you know like holding hands, hugging and etc. i know it wasn't their fault and they have their rights to do it but at the same time i also feel extremely jealous and anger towards them because i couldn't do any of that at all. i guess she is just lucky that her partner can visited her here right now. as for me, i haven't seen my other half in a year or more. so when i see them both like that, i guess i was craving the same thing as well.
i want to be hold gently like what he did to her. i want my hair to be stroked gently like what he did to her. i want my face to be caress like what he did to her. i want my hands to be hold tightly like what he did to her. i want to be hug closely like what he did to her. everytime, i saw all these, i almost break down in tears because at that moment, i can feel how lonely i was. even though i have a special someone with me, but he is not here with me physically like where he is right now for her.
the one i couldn't bear the most was this morning where he made a breakfast and served it to her on the table and while she eats it, he stroked her hair and kisses her forehead. at that time, i excused myself and went to the bedroom and to pull myself together. i tried to calm myself down but i failed terribly. on the mirror i can see few tears were coming out from my eyes and streamed down on my cheeks. i wiped them all and again try to be cheerful again. i think i did well because they didn't suspect anything at all and after a few games on cards, i said goodbye to them and left for home.
i know i am lucky because i have a special someone with me unlike some people who has none. i know it is not my other half's fault that he is not here with me right now and i know it is not their fault for my sadness. but i can't help myself. i am sad with the fact that me and my other half can't do any of those at all and it has been more than a year. and i won't see him here anytime soon too. i know he will come here to me but i just don't know when. all i can do now is be patient and wait and pray that, that time will come soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment