Have you ever wonder..

What your ex partner is thinking?

Is thinking about you?

Did he miss you?

Did he ever truly loved you?

What is he doing?

Is he happy?

Or is he sad and in pain like I am?

Is he talking bad about you to his family and friends?

Did he regrets making the decision?

Is he holding back trying not to keep in touch with you like you do?

Did he already moved on to a new chapter?

Does he ever thinks of getting back together?

Is he happy without me?


These questions always swirling inside my head over and over again. As much as I hated all these longings for someone who left me without a glance looking back, I still do longing for him. I still care what he thinks of me. I still wanna know if he ever cared or loved me. I wanna know everything. But I also know talking with him again would be hard. Extremely. And besides, I might not like the answers he would gave me. If he told me that he regrets getting back together with me and it was a mistake (again), it would devastate me. Ahhh.... I'm crying again even when I tell myself, it's no use crying over someone who only treat you as a convenience.

Crying myself to sleep has been my companion for a week now. It wasn't as bad like the first and second break up, but it is still hard nonetheless. My head is hurting, my heart is aching, my body is shaking, and my confidence is crumbling. I know, I know it is only temporary but still it is hard to get back up and pick up the pieces on my own. Sure, I got my own friends to help me along the way, but initially it is my own private journey to go through. Whether I make it or break it, it is entirely up to me only. My friends can only go so far in helping me because in the end, I am the one who is calling the shots.

I don't know for sure how long or even when I will get over this heartbreak. It might take another few weeks, maybe months or perhaps years. I don't even pretend to know. But I can tell you this, someday, I will find my one true love. That time, he will never let me go no matter how hard the situation is. He won't run away and he will always stays here besides me, to comfort me and protect me from any harm. As I will do the same for him.

Always.