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when you know something but you kinda have like bits and pieces of the information, you think you kinda know what it's all about. but in truth it is entire different but still the same outcome. do ever been in that kinda situation?

i have.

today i had lunch with one of my closes friends, Raja. at first we were just talking casual stuff like foods, drinks, friends, Thomas Cup until we were talking about our lives which mostly about me. i told her bout my current situations, feelings and my reactions. what i like about her is that she is a wonderful listener and most astonishing is that she able to grasp what i was trying to say when i had the most trouble trying to put it into words. she also understand what really was going on and able to give her own opinions about it. and to tell you the truth, the thing that i thought was the truth was really hurtful. but when i heard her opinions and her reasons for her conclusions, that was much worst than i thought. and i think her conclusions were much more of a home run. a direct hit. bull's eye.

after hearing all of that, i was like, wow! that actually makes sense and to make matter worst, it hurts 1000 times that before too. not to mention shocking too. at that time i was feeling a little bit down and self loath a little bit. but after a while and some thinking for couple of hours, i said to myself, "it doesn't matter anymore. it's over. what done is done and what I can do right now, is just try to become a better person and be happy for I still have family and friends who loves me so much."

i'm sure it is still a long way to go for me to find happiness just like most of my friends have with their partners, but i know that one day i will have that too. i won't say soon though. it might be too fast for me. but who knows. i don't know what the future holds for me. but someday.... i will have it too. until then, i'll just be happy, enjoy and open up my heart for the unknown.

p/s: thanx Raja for the small talk. it really helps and made a huge difference. thanx again. (^_^)x